While my 19 year old sister (who's by the way only had one boyfriend who happens to be a secret boyfriend because she's not allowed to date yet and because she actually dated my brother's bestfriend who happens to be an asshole in many aspects) receives Armani gifts from guys who likes her, I on the other hand is not getting any. No, we're not talking about sex here because we all know I aint gettin some of that either. Well, not that I'm complaining though  (not the not having sex part, because I think it's about time I complain. loljk), I was never an expensive girlfriend.

My sister and I was just talking and she told me about this guy who she likes to call her "bestfriend" (gawd is that what they call it these days?!), he likes her and I think she likes him. They go out and my dad (which is rare, you've got to have a lot of charm to make that man like/love you) allows them to go out and then he buys her gifts. Expensive gifts. What?! I meeeeeeeean... I find it peculiar that the simplest things in life are the hardest to find/get.

For example, there are other girls who loves expensive gifts and the works from their significant other. While I on the other hand is happy with happy meals, road trips, toy stores, occasional (or at least once) surprises and orange soda (or you can choose 1 lol). But then again, there is simply no way to figure these kind of things out. Or compare men, asking why one guy would move mountains (akey that was OA)  to make their girl happy while another waits around and acts like a king who doesn't really give a fuck about the woman in his life.

With that being said, I would most probably find myself a boyfriend just so I would know what it feels like to be pampered and have someone to go on road trips with. I mean a real relationship, quite unlikely my relationships with guy friends that require cursing, girl problems and beer.

I need to end up with a guy who is adept with the internet because I have no idea how to rationally inform him about my abnormal need to constantly tweet about every single thing that happens with my life. Which would include our first kiss, how he made me kilig and what were fighting about. And yes, I'm definitely sticking with someone who understands my deep ardor for tumblr. The kind that would want to be "in a relationship" on facebook with me and post pictures of us too (this fuck doesn't get old I'm telling you).

And then after a few months (or days, yes I'll settle for days) of none stop road trips, trips to the cinema, great sex and countless pictures. our relationship would most likely spiral down to a sad disaster, while I closely blog/tweet about everything we fight about.

Like how the primary reason behind my decision to be with him is that I wanted to be pampered and go on an out of town trip. To not feel shitty and not be the 3rd/5th wheel for once and change my Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship".

And then I'll change my status back to "Single", where people...especially my friends would start putting comments and asking me questions like what, when how? And them finally realizing that maybe I'm a rare specie and that I am most likely to spend the rest of my days alone because I am shit scared of attachments and falling in love.

And then I'll answer them and tell them that well...I just want to be pampered.

Yes like the Dashbaord Confessional song. boo!

Someone (I love, yii)  says I'm (was) awfully emo last night, I say blame it on the the goose gotcha feeling loose, blame it on the 'tron catch me in a zone, blame it on the a-a-alcohol...

OR LOVE. LOL

The J man, sandman is getting married today. The dude is 30 (lol), he's got a kid on the way and the fiance (I'm gonna have to admit this one's a winner, yes even if she hates me) is gorgeous, in other words...it's about time you get hitched. Lemme just write about you one last time (oh well sorry not your last because I know I promise I'd write your obituary lol). Thank you for your email. You are honestly one of the sweetest mate's I have. Plus you never fail to make me sound so awesome in those emails, although SOMEONE says he thinks I'm awesome you know. LOL

With all those memories you have of "us", reminded me of what I have best. The last time you were here, you sang me (using that old pink guitar of yours that I painted lol) this dashboard confessional song to me. Even if you insist that I don't remember because I was kind of drunk and I kind of passed out in your car, well I did. And out of all the songs you sing this is the only song that mattered. That was the first time you sang to me. You were a crappy boyfriend, but you are an amazing friend and I'm just so glad you are getting married. I'm so proud of you. And your mom and sister rocks and they know I love em too. You better tell you Asian hip hop uh uh friends they'd better bring me home a white boy when they get back. Also, pictures of the stag partey yeah! lol

On a serious note. Good luck on the new life. You will do just fine and you know I
never lie. I'm buying you guys a dishwasher and buying your wife a cookbook to survive when/IF NYC happens (goodluck to me on this, prolly in 2013 yes lol) and have it shipped to Chi Town. Remember you told me you'd give me your first son as an alay and name your first daughter after me. HAHA

We were so right when we said "our" chapter in my awesome book of life will have an ending that would put Titanic to shame. You will always be my J man and I'll be the K to your alphabet.

I'm skipping half of the work day (and maybe even the whole day) and will stay in bed. Don't ask me why, I don't know either. I woke up with the annoying sound of my alarm clock and didn't even bother going back to sleep. Insomnia, you seriously need to gtfo of my life. Beer, well Rhum coke is on my mind but please don't dare me to go to the nearest  7-11 to get some, because I will...wearing my pantulog. Or...I have weed hiding here somewhere. HEH. Anyway I emailed the bosses that I'm skipping half of the day because I have migraine. It was a battle between migraine and LBM, but off course migraine wins since that sounds so much better. I dunno. I feel sick. Or maybe I'm just sick in the head? I'd have to agree with the latter.

One of my best friends in College is getting married. Yes that bitch with an ass that makes you wanna ask "What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?" but really, don't ask because she's "gonna get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off her hump." (goddamnit did I just quote the black eyed peas?! lol). Anyway I'm the only one invited since well, its just a ceremony with the Mayor without the celebration and she says she doesn't give a damn that I am a "high maintenance" (SOOOO NOT TRUE) person and that I'd prolly be bitchin at how low the AC at the local City Hall is. SHE SAID SHE WANTS ME THERE, so for the sake of the days where she had me copy her biology homework and her college algebra quiz (when she just came from her 8 hours shift from work while I'm hung over from all the rhum coke I consumed the night before) and because I love her. I will goooooooo, despite the 5 hours bus ride (ugghh) and the fact that I need to buy a dress (YES AGAIN SHUT UP).

Speaking of things/people I love to hate, the J man and I were talking 5 hours ago (because the girlfriend is away, and when the cat is away the mouse plays. LOL But thank you for being online as the answer to my plee that I need to talk to someone to help me fall asleep), arguing and over analyzing things (as always). And so to shut me up and keep me sane, we talked about Rico Yan and Claudine Barretto instead, oh and how 2 people find each other, in a world that's full of strangers. LOLWUT?!


And so the day ends with me finally having 1 score point with our never ending analysis on why I am cynical and jaded. I seriously need to get out of the internet. Because with my troubled mind, I'm like a goods train running through your life. LOL I'm gonna have to start thanking EBTG for all the LSS I've had this week.

I was de-virginized at 19 by the office "play boy" who I'd like to believe until now loved me and really cared for me. Because I after all broke his heart by telling him I don't really love him and that I'm still inlove with the ex-boyfriend from the south that took me 4 years to get over with (yes those late night drives to the south with April just to feel the holy ground, I remember those days). He still hates me up to now because of that.

That was the "peak" of what I'd like to call my badass years. Hookups, partee, drinking and smoking (uhuh like a chimney). Ah! The call center days. Skipping work just to watch bamboo play 2 floors from where I really work, drivin to the south, rhum coke and chili chicken wings. Also, Kanye, Ray-J, Mary J Blige, John Legend and PM Dawn on the player. Brought to you by the letter J (60% of my ex's name starts with the letter J lol).

The time of my life where I'd be at Tapa King located on our building's lower ground, drinking at 5 in the morning. Just right after my shift ended. I'd be home by 5pm. Sleep for an hour or 2. Go to work practically still hung over and sometimes still drunk. I'd be like a robot the whole night. Dumb founded, sleeping on my breaks and not eating at all. And the routine continues, Tapa King after the shift. That usually happens thrice or 4 times a week. There was even one weekend where the bus driver was waking me up because I was still asleep and drunk inside the bus when its been in the bus station for 30 minutes. My parents would nag at me for being a drunkard. I'd be going home to Olongapo looking like shit all the time. Drunk, High, wasted and hungry. Every single week. My friends and I would be drunk driving along commonwealth (fuck that place can kill you even when you're not drunk). sometimes "high" driving. Sometimes both. And yep, we were doing both when the storm Milenyo hit the Philippines. And I was well...high, drunk and my head was sticking out of the car window yelling "I love my life and I love the rain!" It was the time of my life where more often than not I would be clueless on how I got home and who I was with. The time where I wouldn't give a fuck getting into fights at a bar because I was friends with the right people. And these people can protect me and get me out of any trouble. And I honestly felt invincible.

And the boys! The booooooooys! I have no idea where they come from, but It was like a package deal you know. You being a bad girl and boys being around and available all the time for you. I don't even consider myself attractive, although I do attract men because of the you know what and the d sized cup (lol), but seriously...I'd be the type of woman who never gets noticed because I am far from being pretty. I look like a bitch who bites mind you. Those were the ho-tel mowtel days. Hug Hug lang sa malamig na airconditioned room habang nanunuod ng cable. HAHAHA




Those were the days, yeah? Now I'd rather be in a coffee shop reading and daydreaming or at home sleeping or watching chismis like your lola than party. I don't parteE anymore (lol), smoke? nope! And boys? They're all gone (with the wind? yeah lol) although some friends just doesn't believe me. haha Even THAT forum aint for me anymore, I get so tamad to post stuff and just laugh at all the horny pm's I get. haha

So I guess its safe to say I've tamed down yeah? Maybe except for the bitching and drinking (I'm getting there) and cursing. Well that can be arranged. I'd have to find someone who can do the work for me. I guess the only advantage about being a bad girl is the fact that you don't really give a fuck about what's going on around you. See, the less you give a fuck the less you get hurt. Makes sense. It sometimes makes me wanna go back to who I was. If I was a place I'd be Bronx back then. LOLWUT?!


Now let me go back to listening to E-heads for awhile. "Pare ko" is on repeat. I think Its written for me (because yes I have balls too). Karma's a bitch ei? I'm paying the price of being a bad girl. LOL

when your friends from College (younger than you are) are either getting married or giving birth.

In Nursing School there was only one girl who stood up with me no matter what. We were always the center of attention because of our "bumps" lol Her ass and my boobs.  My seatmate, my cheatmate, the first girl I met who loves rock, the first person who gave me my first ever condom (LOL) and the only one of my friends who's brave enough to ask my dad permission if I can go to a party. There's definitely no Klaubette in college without Jeantle. Ah! the days of yore. Late night text messages, sleeping over my house because you ran away because your mom found out you were at Edrian's house the whole night and not in an outreach seminar. haha Cutting classes, Lame excuses that works all the time to skip PE classes. The Rhum coke days that never fails to make me feel better because I was obsessed with you know who. Professors in college never forgets us because we LOL and we have unique names. The only person who together with I, can charm ourselves out of detention. LOL And one of the many who mocks me for talking the way I talk and never fails to remind me that going to An International Christian School (and use to know the Old and New testaments of the Bible) is ridiculous.

 And yup she's getting married.



I look so nene and harmless. LOL

Fell asleep at 4am. Woke up at 1pm (with that song in my head (One of the few songs that survived the "deletion of the century aka that day I accidentally deleted 1 tera of my life)). Cooked lunch/dinner. Took a bath. Watched that Rico Yan and Claudine Barretto movie (SHUTUPSHETKAOONAKORNYAKO). Read a little. Saturdei chismis with the housemate. And now entertaining myself over the internet (by looking at Rome and libraries).



IDK. I was never a fan of EBTG but they always have a way of getting into me randomly, like their songs was written for me. lol (e.g Troubled Mind and Walking Wounded)

Also, 5 things future husband should remember to make/keep me happy.

1. DO THE LAUNDRY

2. BRING ME TO ROME

3. BUY ME A PUPPY

4. SAFE A SPOT AT HOME FOR MY MINI LIBRARY

5. SURPRISE ME (because none of the ex-bfs ever did. Not even friends - because I always end up finding out about it. Heh)

Only because I dreamed of getting married (who would ever thought I'd have dreams like that. lol) and waking up feeling re-charged.

A really close friend from work says I look like her...or I atleast remind him of her.


NO! Not the slutty part! LOL He says I talk like her, I dress like her, I think like her and that I'm arte like her. REALLY?! Well...I'd take that as a compliment because, uh...SHE'S HOT AND I FELL INLOVE WITH HER BECAUSE OF THIS SHOW (yes in caps).

Let's see shall we...

In shorts:

June was not very nice to me. I use to think that 2011 is my year because all the awesomeness is happening (about to happen) this year, and I wanted to believe it is...well not until the month of June arrived.

I haven't been getting enough sleep, I don't know why (figures why I have 3 pimples, huge ones...AT 27!). The pressure at work's just too much, that dick face I dated months ago just had to show up and make it worse by being an asshole oh and my biological dad's brother started talking to me, Also one of my best mate's going to be a daddy and can't talk to me anymore because his soon to be wife wants my head on a  platter and being pregnant is just a good excuse (LOL). More often than not I have been acting like a drunk person on drugs the whole month. Cebu was fun but my mind's just somewhere else and it felt like I was not able to re-charge fully (plus the expenses made it worse, me and my shopping vice. I should go to rehab for this).

I was never the kind of girl who tells her girlfriends everything. One because I don't have much girlfriends. 7 out of 10 of my friends are men.Two because, I have this blog and I have another place where I write down everything. In short, I grew up keeping everything to myself because well, there is war and hunger around the world and the last thing that people need is a whiner who whines about whatever crap she has goin on in her life. That's how it's always been...or at least until I met Thursday (yes she's named after a day of the week). I swear to god that woman just sucks the life out of me sometimes. She just doesn't give up and will never stop asking until you squeal. Trust me it's kinda hard when you're sitting right next to her, plus she is just somethin else.

Anyway the breakdown aka the time when I finally admitted to myself that I've sunken into a depression that only Hamlet can explain happened on Sunday. I was cleaning my laptop's hardrive and is transferring files to the external one (because I wanted to install the goddamn sims 3 and needed more space). And then *poof!*

One click. One fucking click was all it took. I was just starring blankly for 5 minutes. I couldn't even cry because I have no idea...

I slept and stayed in my room the rest of the day. Come Monday I wanted to quit my job and migrate to Sydney. I swear I was THIS close to talking to my boss and the godfather about quitting. I broke down and cried when Thursday held my hand (yes just held my hand) when I wouldn't stop talking. I was hyperventilating and all it took for me to break down was when she held my hand (I have no idea why people get to a "break down" point on time or another).

Yesterday was just a turning point though. I had the most meaningful conversation with one of my best mates at work. Probably the best I had the whole month (sorry boys and girls, no offense but this conversation made me delete the cure all bullshit 2011 playlist lol).


Things I learned:

1. NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS
2. BE IN CONTROL
3. MEN DON'T LIKE TO BE PRESSURED...ONLY ON SPECIFIC POINTS OF THEIR BODY (LOL)
4. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE IT IN THE WORLD (the best part of it all)
5. YOU CAN ALWAYS START FROM THE BEGINNING AND START THE NEXT CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE
6. YOU NEED TO FREE YOURSELF FROM THE PAST SO YOU CAN START #5


And I just realized, that deleting everything I had in that drive isn't bad after all. It kind of felt good that the things I wrote 5 years ago was gone, it made me feel a little bit better that I won't be able to peak into those anymore, except off course those I have in my blog. You know how you get mix emotions when you lose something but feels as if you've gained somethin else out of losing that anyway? Yep. Also, I realized that I should stop giving a fuck about that guy I dated months ago. It was kind of degrading and all, what he said. But you know, I have drastically changed over the years. I've become a different person for the better (and old friends can testify to that, lol trust me) and that's all that matters. I don't need people judgin me, their problem not mine. And the daddy issues? Well, its his problem not mine. I aint talking to him after all, I'm talking to his siblings. And its nice talking to them because somehow it feels good to know they still care. I have a daddy who will walk me down the aile so I definetly don't need him if he doesn't need me.

I deleted a couple of blog entries. I'll scan everything when I get back from work tonight. I need to let go of somethings you know. I've always had a hard time doing that but yeah well, I have to start doing so before its too late. I changed my twitter ID, I'm having that account deleted in that website and I just might change YM Id's (has something to do with the handle/username that makes people think I'm slutty, hence the name LOL).


Here's to hoping that July will be nicer to me.

Let me let you in a secret. I almost never listen to RnB or Hip Hop or Rap (I don't even know the difference LOL) or any other genre's but rock and roll. But I listen to em when I am *insert whatever sad feeling there is* I have. This is a sign that I am kind of suicidal. Ack. Also, I'd go black for Common. AND DON'T BE HATIN ON THE DISNEY GIRLS SONGS ( I know they're kind of out of place. lol but whutever).

(Please don't expect me to upload this shit online because I'm using my bb as a modem right nao, and the speed sucks balls)

Said and Done - Mary J. Blige
I am - Mary J. Blige
Break Your Heart - Taio cruz
Fuck You - Cee Lo Green
They say - Common feat. John Legend and Kanye West
Stronger - Kanye West
So Yesterday - Hilary Duff
Shots - LMFAO
Please Don't Go - Mike Posner
Who Says - Selena Gomez & The Scene
Fuck You Right Back - Frankee
Real - Plumb
Make Her Say - Kid Cudi feat. Kanye West, Common
Drivin me Wild - Common feat Lilly Allen
Not Afraid - Eminem
Let Me Blow Ya Mind - Eve feat Gwen Stefani
Son of a Gun - Janet Jackson feat Missy Elliott

I think my ipod hates this playlist. LOL

So I went to Toy Kingdom over the weekend to make myself a Happy Girl. And yes I was for awhile. Look at that face.


And passed by a pet store in megamall. This puppy is soooo cute. He's sunget in a a really cute way. He turned around when he saw me taking pictures of him. HAHA

Also, Green Lantern sucked too much balls. Nice, just nice. Blake Lively is hot though. I'd bone her if only I have something to bone her with. HAHA

Ah! Monday! 3 more days and June is finally over. I cannot wait. June sucked BIG TIME. Fast forward me to the weekend please.